This is not a Song Contest This Is WAR
by BrOkEnToYbOx
Summary: The Eurovision is not a song contest, it is the Hunger Games of Europe. War. And at the next world meeting, bad feelings are still held between the countries. And it only takes one boastful Dane to set everybody off bang. PURE CRACK FOR THE EUROVISION. DO. NOT. TAKE. SERIOUSLY. But enjoy! XD


The meeting hall was buzzing as each country talked to one another. France and England weren't fighting for once. Probably because France was avoiding England due to the latest Eurovision Song Contest. Though you could occasionally see the smug smirks that the English nation sent his blonde frienemy. France in return would just chuckle and tap his right eye, causing England to hiss.

Why would France tapping his right eye annoy England, you ask?

Let's just say Ireland wasn't happy about the measly one point they received from their brother.

Soon, Germany coughed to get everyone's attention. The buzz of conversation slowed before evaporating into silence. The German nation then opened his mouth to start the meeting. It was being held in Berlin this time, meaning that the blonde was in charge. Not that he wouldn't end up being in charge anyway.

"Right, so I know the is still hype from the latest Eurovision–"

"I don't know why though. It's not like it's even any good." A certain mumble cut Germany off.

"Fuck off America."

"Anyway, as I was saying, I know everyone is still excited but that does not mean that it should effect the meeting. Whether you are congratulating each other, or killing each other as it may be in France and England's case, please keep it until after the meeting." Germany coughed and shuffled his papers before placing his hands on the desk and looking up at his fellow personifications. "Now, who would like to go first?"

There was a moment of silence before a single hand rose. Germany gave a small smile.

"Ah, Denmark. The table is yours."

Denmark stood up slowly, a huge grin on his face. Norway groaned and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh for god's sake..." He muttered as Denmark cleared his throat.

"Well, I'd like to start off by saying..." His grinned widened to impossible lengths and he ripped his coat open suddenly, revealing a shirt designed like the Danish flag and a big button saying 'I WON EURVISION 2013' pinned to the front. "HAHAHAHA FUCK YOU ALLLLLLL!"

"GOD DAMN IT DENMARK WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!" Germany roared.

"Oh Germany, you're just sore because Italy beat you." Romano snapped, a smirk on his lips and his arms crossed. Germany bristled.

"Well at least I didn't lose to England by _nine points_ like _someone_."

France shot out of his seat.

"That, Germany, was uncalled for!" He cried, pointing a trembling finger at the blue eyed blonde. Spain just chuckled from beside his friend and France spun on him in a rage, eyes blazing. "Don't you laugh mister 'I gave my boyfriend twelve points but he gave me a shitty two'!"

Spain's smile dropped and tears welled in his eyes.

"How mean! Why would you say that France?!" The Spanish nation wailed before he jumped out of his own seat, tears still glistening in his green eyes. "Well at least Roma actually _gave_ me some points, unlike Finland." Spain whirled round to face the so far silent Nordic, a smirk in place. "How many points did you 'husband' give you, huh Finland?"

Finland froze, his gaze turning deadly.

"What the fuck did you just say?" He growled.

"You heard me!"

Finland rose out of his seat and made a move to lurch across the table, hands outstretched to throttle the Spaniard, purple eyes blazing. Two strong arms wrapped round his waist though, holding the small but fiery nation back.

"Tino!" A heavily accented voice exclaimed. "Calm down!" Finland snapped his head round to face Sweden, a feral snarl on his face.

"You," He said, poking his 'husband' in the nose. "Shut. The !"

"Aw, marriage is a beautiful thing." Ireland mocked, causing Finland to turn on him next, eyes narrowed.

"Shut up 5-points."

Ireland scoffed.

"I got my revenge." He turned to England and winked, an evil smile in place. England shivered. "Didn't I, brother?"

"You know, you are all missing out by causing me to lose!" England snapped, voice trembling as he tried to avoid Ireland's menacing stare. "I could actually afford to hold the Eurovision, and make it a bloody good show! A lot of you voted Greece, but what could he do? He's broke for Christ's sake! His song was about free alcohol!"

"I could do... better than you England." Greece mumbled, lazy gaze trained on the British Nation. "I wouldn't have to worry about... it raining if I were to hold it. Plus... I would have some nice scenery and not some... little old lady in fancy clothes."

England growled, fists clenching.

"I should've won – I mean, did you even _hear_ my entry? Beautiful."

Iceland snorted.

"Yeah, for a Gay Opera Dubsteb Vampire he was decent."

Romania narrowed his eyes back at the white-haired nation.

"And yours was better? You just sent out Thor from the fucking Avengers!"

At this, America perked up.

"Thor was in the Eurovision?"

"SHUT UP AMERICA!"

"I can't believe you said that you bastard!" Iceland yelled, breaking his usually stoic facade. The power of Eurovision. "I DID NOT SEND OUT THOR!"

Romania smirked.

"Oh sorry, Lucius Malfoy's long lost brother then."

"Fine then, it's better than a bloke in a suit. Mine was interesting at least."

"Did you just insult our fucking contestant, bastard?" Romano snarled, baring his teeth at the Icelandic nation.

"Romano! Calm down!" Veneziano wailed, grabbing his brother's arm to hold the more hot-headed of the two down.

"Lovi how could you only give me two points?" Spain cried. Romano growled and tore his glare away from Iceland and Romania and towards his boyfriend instead.

"Just be thankful I didn't pull a Russia and not even vote for my own sister, bastard!" Russia froze at that and sent a hateful glare to Romano and Belarus started seething, her arms quickly latching around Russia's waist and holding tight with an iron grip.

"Brother, how could you not vote for me at all?!" She yelled. "I gave you eight points and you gave me nothing!"

"I'm going to kill you, Romano..." Russia hissed.

America meanwhile, just pushed out his chair, sending it to the floor with loud clatter before slamming his hands down onto the table.

"COME ON DUDES YOU ARE BLOWING THIS WAY OUT OF PROPORTION!" The non-European nation exclaimed, causing many other countries that also weren't in Europe to nod in agreement. "IT'S JUST STUPID SONG CONTEST, IS THERE REALLY ANY NEED FOR ALL OF THIS?!"

"Just... A... Stupid... Song... Contest...?" England said slowly, bruised right eye from Irelands revenge twitching. Then he started laughing. A manic sort of laugh. "This is no ordinary song contest America. Don't you get it? This. Is. War."

"We take the Eurovision very seriously, comrade." Russia chimed in. "This is no joke. It is a chance to see who is your friend, and who is your enemy."

"It's the fucking Hunger Games for Europe, dipshit." Romano added at the end. "That we can all fucking agree on."

"But it's still a _song contest_." America whined. "You're blowing this way out of proportion!"

"Song contest or not. When the Eurovision comes around, you can't trust nobody." Denmark said, voice flat. "Not your allies," He glanced over to France and England, "Your lover," Spain and Romano, "Your best friend," Italy and Germany, "Your husband," Finland and Sweden, "Nor your own brother," Russia and Belarus. "And at the end of the day..." There was silence. Tense, tense silence. Then, Denmark's grin came back tenfold. "I FUCKING WON!"

Norway sighed.

"Anko you idiot."

The arguments started up again and America stared at the bickering Europeans with wide, disbelieving eyes before throwing up his hands, turning around and walking out of the meeting room.

"600% done with all of you!" He called as he left, and soon other nations who weren't involved in the fighting filtered out as well.

Denmark plopped down in his seat, arms crossed over his chest and a smug look on his face. His feet were resting on the table, chair tilting back slightly.

"I worry about your stupidity sometimes, Denmark..." Norway mumbled, gaze flat as he stared at his boyfriend. Denmark just grinned back at the Norwegian.

"Who cares, I won Eurovision."

* * *

**I love Eurovision. The whole of Europe goes to war and the UK always loses because we suck. We beat France this year though, so lol XD It seriously is war, though. Bad feelings have been had after the Eurovision, but I hope you all enjoyed this. It was actually inspired by a post by Himaruyeah on tumblr which said "imagine Denmark just walking into the next world meeting pulls out a microphone and sings 'hahaha fuck you alllllll'"**

**This fic is dedicated to Siobhan as well! I TOLD YOU IT WAS PURE CRACK**


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